The year is 2019, and glass ceilings are constantly being shattered into millions of little shards in these last few years. A woman ran in the 2016 election, entire movements such as, #MeToo and #TimesUp were generated, and women are running hugely successful companies. While those are just a few examples, the list goes on and rightfully so. What is less documented, however, is the pressure women, particularly active feminist, put on women to move up in the ranks of this once male dominated world. So much pressure that there is contempt for women who choose to stay at home and raise a family, or women who step down from demanding positions for their families.

How The Older Generations Feel

           In an essay written by the first female director of the State department, Anne-Marie Slaughter, titled Why Women Can’t Have It All, Slaughter explains her choice to step down from her demanding position to spend time with her family. She particularly goes into detail about the backlash she received from the older female community. Not long ago at all, say 60 years ago, women had little choices when it came to employment opportunity. Nurse, secretary, school teacher, or stay at home mom were about the only options. And God knows they weren’t paid fairly. Those women confined to those career choices had an itch to do more, to be more, and to be respected. Hence the feminist movements that made huge strides over the next 60 years. Thanks to those women who had to be restrained and fight, women today now have opportunity. The opportunity to be in executive positions or run for office or work full time jobs. But what about those women who regress and do choose family over work? A sense of contempt arises from that generations 60 years ago, as Slaughter states, “But I routinely got reactions from other women my age or older that ranged from disappointment…to condescending.” It makes sense, in all honesty, for the older generation of women to be upset. They must feel as though they had been gypped of a life they dreamed of, and it would be hard to see the younger generation of women giving up what they could never have. Yet shouldn’t they be excited that women have the choice of whether they want to stay home with their families or strive for the top at all?

The Choice To Be A Stay-at-Home Mom

A common argument among feminist is the belief that stay-at-home moms are detrimental to the advancement of women’s rights. A common question asked is this: If a women is well understanding that there is more out there for her, but she chooses to nurture her children while supporting those ambitious women, why should she be to blame for any plateau in the movement? In a powerful opinion piece done by feminist comedian Nikita Redkar called 5 Sexist Assumptions About Stay-at-Home Moms All Feminists Need to Shut Down, the power of choice among women is addressed as inherently the most important aspect of feminism, yet that often gets misconstrued by feminist themselves. Even if that choice is to be a stay at home mom. Although there are huge pressures placed on women to shoot for the stars, most women- feminist or not- agree that as long as the opportunity for equality is there, women are free to choose whatever path they want in this life.

A huge issue that Redkar brings to light is the belief that stay-at-home moms cannot be feminists. She beautifully puts feminism and stay-at-home moms like this, “Taking away feminism from woman who opt to nurture their family is like saying people who choose to be vegan…are not receiving the full culinary experience they could have.” Redkar is stating that choosing to care for your children while supporting the women who are changing the world is not regressive at all. Redkar also has a very simple yet powerful line in which goes like such, “Feminism, at it’s core, advocates the freedom of choice.” The definition often gets blurred in today’s society. Little girls feel as though they need to grow up to become CEO’s or the President, when some simply might want to raise a family. Nikita Redkar addresses the faults of a group she identifies with, and successfully expresses that while the world should always teach the young women of today that they can be anything, they should also be taught that their lifestyle decisions will be supported by women across the board.

Arrest Stay-at-Home Moms?

Yes, there are people advocating that being a Stay-at-Home mom should be illegal. There are statistics showing the economic disadvantages to women of age not working and many believe that by placing women in the workforce, there will be a decrease in welfare needs and the fear of the taxes placed on single income households. As for the feminist viewpoint, an Australian columnist named Sarrah Le Marquand wrote a piece for the Daily Telegraph named, It Should Be Illegal to be a Stay-at-Home Mum, supporting a law that enforces women to work. Although an opinion piece, the article gained huge backlash, but also support. Le Marquand says, “Only when the female half of the population is expected to hold down a job and earn money to pay the bills in the same way men are routinely expected to do will we see things change for the better for either gender.” Many agree that there could be truth to that statement, yet many more question the reality of that ever happening. Of course a world where mothers could contribute to the family income while feeling they are giving their children all the attention they need would be ideal for all. Perhaps the issue is deeper rooted in unpaid maternity leaves or companies not willing to give mothers time off.

What About Fathers?

Ah, yes. We get to the question old as time in the world of Stay-at-Home mom controversy. A very, very valid question it is. In today’s world, it is not uncommon for there to be stay-at-home dads. Of course they’re stuck with the degrading title of “Mr. Mom” but it happens nonetheless. Many people argue that fathers are just as deserving of time off with their children, and if women have the choice to stay at home to raise their kids because of guilt, then do the fathers just have to bare the brunt and ignore their own guilt? It’s a headache producing topic that provides many true arguments from both ends of the spectrum, because fathers really shouldn’t have to be the ones who suck it up and sacrifice family time. Going from a biological point of view, Suzanne Venker in her article for Fox News titled, Should it be illegal to be a stay-at-home mom? Why feminists are so frustrated, states, “Men have a visceral need to provide for and protect their families, whereas women are more invested in the home.” Motherhood is a biological response. Mothers change into a nurturing “Mama Bear” and fathers become the provider. Everyone has always heard it that way, and there is science dating to caveman times backing it up. Yet, someone can also argue that as needs and times adapt, so do humans and their nature.

Venker then explains that feminists are so frustrated BECAUSE of this biological response. Feminists are attacking stay-at-homes moms because after they have children, their priorities change. Their lives become less centered around their career, and more around their children. Venker believes that feminists want the fathers to take on more nurturing roles and that women should not have to give everything up. However, if you ask most mothers, they don’t believe they’re giving anything up. Their kids are their priority. It is a truly tiresome debate that may have no right answer.

The Understanding

There may be no right answer or no solution to make everyone happy, but that is okay. As long as no women feels subjected to a certain role, there should be freedom and respect in a choice that is solely a women’s.

Works Cited

Redkar, Nikita. “5 Sexist Assumptions About Stay-at-Home Moms All Feminist Need To Shut Down.” Everyday Feminism, 18 Mar. 2016, everydayfeminism.com/2016/03/myths-stay-at-home-moms/.

Slaughter, Anne-Marie. “Why Women Can’t Have It All.” “They Say / I Say”: the Moves That Matter in Academic Writing with Readings, by Gerald Graff et al., W. W. Norton & Company, 2018, pp. 534–554.

Le Marquand, Sarrah. “It Should Be Illegal To Be A Stay-at-Home Mom.” The Daily Telegraph, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 20 Feb. 2019, http://www.britannica.com/topic/The-Daily-Telegraph.

Venker, Suzanne. “Should It Be Illegal to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom? Why Feminists Are So Frustrated.” Fox News, 24 May 2017, http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/should-it-be-illegal-to-be-a-stay-at-home-mom-why-feminists-are-so-frustrated.